


Goodbye For Now

by RedH00d



Category: DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Letters, M/M, Mention of abuse, Other, Past Child Abuse, i am why we cant have nice things, im really sorry about this actually, it is very sad and hurt my heart to write it, names arent mentioned nor will I mention them because fuck you, this is also me projecting im sorry, vague mention of past sexual abuse, writing goodbye letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 17:21:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18833236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedH00d/pseuds/RedH00d
Summary: Jason laments on past trauma. He needs some time away from Roy and leaves him a letter instead of telling him in person or texting him.





	Goodbye For Now

I remember, we were laying in bed yet. It was still dark outside, but it was probably morning at that point. I had woken up from one of the nightmares. It was him again, it was always him. I can’t escape him, not even now.

I was laying on your chest, listening to your heartbeat and crying quietly. You ran your fingers through my hair gently, softly whispering to me that I was safe, that you were there to protect me.

I wanted to say I didn’t need protecting, wanted to say that I wasn’t a child anymore. But I was. I was scared, I was a child, and I didn’t know what to do or where to go. You never asked what the nightmares were about, but I have a feeling you knew. I’m still glad that you never asked, though. I don’t think I could’ve handled having to talk about what he did to me.

Just thinking about it makes me sick. Thinking about what I let him do to me for all those years makes me want to crawl out of my skin and burn it. I know I’m doing better now, but there’s still days where I claw at my skin and try to get away from everything he’s touched. It gets so bad, sometimes, I drink to be able to even think about sleeping.

All I want to do is sleep. But I can’t, so I lay in bed, hoping and praying that this will be enough rest for me to be able to go on but it never is… it never is.

Sometimes when your skin touches mine it reminds me of what he did, it makes me sick. I’m sorry that this happens and I can’t control it, I’m just so disgusted with what happened. But god, I could never be disgusted with you. I could never get tired of you. You deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t broken.

And I know, someday, I’ll be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see him looming over my shoulders like he used to.

But for now, I want you to know how much I love you Roy. No matter where we are in relation to each other or if we’re mad at each other over some stupid domestic thing, always know that I love you despite my past, or your past for that matter.

I’ll see you soon. I need some time to think about things. 

 

\- Jay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so if I get any positive feedback I might add a few more chapters. but uhhhhh yeah here we go thanks for reading this far   
> ilu


End file.
